Before you even start reading, I want to throw out a disclaimer that this post is strictly my view on raising kids, and that everyone parents differently so it doesn’t make any of us right or wrong! It is just what works for me and my family, and lets me be real, we are all just trying to do the best we can without losing our sanity.
With that being said, I knew that raising kids was a tough job, but goodness on some days I am like OMG! There is so much going on in the world, my first instinct is to protect my children. How do I teach Ashton that he is growing up to be a black man and sometimes he may be judged? How do I protect Aubri? Its scary when you turn on the news and you see children losing their lives to gun violence or being arrested for crimes they didn’t commit. Ahmad and I are taking the honest approach. There is nothing like just being real and honest with your children. Granted Aubri and Ashton may not even understand yet, but we are teaching them to LOVE! You love everyone no matter who they are, background, race, or religion. I want them to be able to feel confident in their own skin, and if they are judged by people its okay because at the end of the day God has the final say.
With that being said I also, unfortunately, have to tell them truth on the real problems of the world. Ashton you are growing up in a society that if you wear a hoodie, you will be automatically associated with being a hoodlum and a gangster. Or even how to handle a simple traffic stop while encountering a police officer. Aubri, no matter how hard you work there may be a time where a man will make more than you and being a female and black already has its own challenges. It is sad, but I can not send them into the world without them knowing the battles they may or may not face. I pray they don’t, but I can say I didnt experience those issues until after college. I am glad my parents told me so that I wouldn’t be so shocked. It is so scary raising children because you wish you could be with them every moment of the day to protect them.
I grew up in Christian school where I was like one of two black girls in my class. Looking back what I loved the most about it was at the time I did not understand or know the color difference. I am so glad that my parents put me in that environment to learn once again to Love. It wasn’t until I was older I realized that I was different. No matter what school you put your children in, its important that you teach them that even though we may all come from different backgrounds, there is always something you can learn from someone else.
Ahmad and I are debating if we are going to put our kids in private school (like mommy) or send them to public school like (daddy). I think we both came out just fine either way, but its a decision that I think is crucial in the beginning and learning stages of our kids lives. My mom was so big on education, and sent me to private school my whole life. While typing this post, I called my mom to ask her exactly why she put me in private school. She said that she lived in a school district that just passed kids along and she didnt want that to happen to me. On the other hand, Ahmad went to public school, but graduated high school and went to Rice University on full scholarship. So granted, you can raise your children in to different environments and both can have positive outcomes. I think that the thing that we did have in common is our parents focus on education and their support to make sure we made it. So the verdict is still out on what we are going to do, but it doesn’t make us a bad parent with either choice.
On another note, something I get asked a lot is how did I get my children to sleep in their own beds? Some say that I am a bad mom because I let my kids sleep upstairs by themselves. Others can’t believe that I don’t want to sleep with my children. Well here is my truth… You raise your kids your way, and I raise mine my way. I bet I get more sleep at night… J/K… seriously though, we made the decision with Ashton when he was 10 months. He use to sleep in the bassinet next to our bed, and then he out grew it. That is when we decided to put him upstairs in his room. It took about a week for him to stop screaming and crying for us. The following week he was just fine, sleeping so peacefully. We have the Nest app and camera where we can watch him from our phones. Sometimes I wake up with a text from my Dad saying, “Shay, Ashton is up!”. Even the grandparents are being creepers and watching them. So its not like we throw them upstairs in their beds and not monitoring them. Aubri now sleeps in her bed, and is just fine. Ashton will even walk up the stairs and say “night night” when he is sleepy and ready to go the bed. I don’t know how parents do it with one kids foot on their head, and another child sleep on top of their head. Also, we spent all this money on these nurseries, these kids need to sleep in them. With that being said, I slept with my parents all the time when I was little (lol). They do sleep in the bed with us when they aren’t feeling good, because who doesn’t want their mommy when they are sick. By no means am I saying this is the best parenting method, but hey it works for us.
I use to say all the things I wouldn’t do when I became a mom, and now I find myself out in public with one screaming kid, and one with one shoe. Crazy how that works, but its mom life and I wouldn’t change anything.
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